I spent a good part of the afternoon today driving around in and home from the city, and once my favorite radio program had finished, I let the next one play. I normally don’t bother, because it’s hosted by someone I have little interest in and the topics are usually either ridiculous or offensive to me.
However, I was curious, because she was going to be discussing the inauguration and focussing on the women’s marches taking place in various locations across the U.S. on Saturday, in protest of Donald Trump’s presidency. I was curious to hear what she was going to say and what her callers would offer, both in support of and in disagreement with the current political situation. I knew I wasn’t going to agree with most of what I heard, so I listened for the purpose of becoming informed and avoided reacting, although this blog post was formulating in my head soon after the program began.
I’m in Canada, so while the effects on my personal life that the administration of this new president might or might not have are unknown, I was drawn into the discussion when the subject of women and feminism became the focus.
I heard many things I didn’t like – as my readers know I take exception to much of modern day feminism – but something amused me: they were puzzled as to how women who don’t support the feminist agenda cannot “see” why they are wrong, how they cannot understand why it’s so important to get on board. And the whole time I was thinking that women like myself have the same thoughts: we don’t understand how THEY cannot see what’s wrong with their agenda, with their way of fighting for equality, with their attitudes, their words, their actions.
So I decided to do two things:
- I want to state clearly my position as a woman to hopefully avoid responses assuming I am a happily oppressed and naive female who needs a band of feminists to rescue me from the claws of a man’s world, and then
- I want to pose a very specific question to modern-day feminists and I truly hope they will answer it
You see, I just don’t buy the idea that this is all about equality. The things I see and hear give me the impression that it’s about control and about swinging the pendulum as far to their side as they feel it has always been swung away from them. In any fight for rights, this kind of thinking doesn’t fix anything, it simply leads to a different kind of inequality, because the middle ground, where balance lies, is completely passed over.
First, some clarity of my position on women’s issues:
I DO believe in equal pay for equal work for everyone
I DO believe that women have valuable ideas and opinions to share within families, organizations, government, and society
I DO believe women should be treated with dignity, as should all human beings
I DO agree that in years past women were treated as less important or worthy than men and that this needed to change
I DO believe that in many places and circumstances women are still treated as lesser human beings, oppressed and undervalued
I DO NOT condone the abuse, degradation, or sexually disrespectful treatment of women by any man, or by any other woman
I DO NOT believe that men and women are equal in everything. There are differences between us that are deeper than anatomy and to deny such is simply ignorant. I believe that each has strengths and weaknesses and that working together they’re able to achieve higher levels of success and fulfillment than each is on their own
I DO NOT believe that in order to further women’s causes it’s necessary to demean and belittle men, regardless of how men have treated women in days gone by
I DO NOT believe that in order to stand with women in the pursuit of equality I must also stand with them on the issue of abortion.
And this brings me to my second purpose for writing: the continuous mention of women’s “reproductive” rights.
Dear women everywhere:
We’re free to have sex and reproduce if we wish. I’m aware that free sex without responsibility is also part of the modern feminist attitude, so go ahead. And once you have a baby in your womb, you’ve already reproduced. Your reproductive rights have nothing to do with whether or not you’re allowed to kill an unborn child. What you’re really talking about is having the right to end a baby’s life, not a “reproductive” right.
And you’re definitely no longer talking about equality, because we’re aware that you believe it’s “your body, your choice” regardless of what the father of the baby might think or want.
So here’s my specific question, posed using two scenarios: (Obviously, I don’t condone abortion and the situations below are presented for the purpose of my question following.)
- You have consensual sex with a man, get pregnant, choose to terminate the pregnancy and the father has no right to prevent you from doing so, even if he wishes to take the child when it’s born and care for it without you. But …
- You have consensual sex with a man, get pregnant, choose to keep the baby even if the father wants you to terminate it because he doesn’t want any responsibility for it at all, and you can legally demand that he pay you child support for the coming several years while you raise the baby you chose to have against his wishes.
HOW IS IT THAT YOU CLAIM TO FIGHT FOR EQUALITY WHILE YOU HOLD AND EXERCISE ALL THE DECISION MAKING POWER OVER THE LIFE OF A BABY THAT ALSO BELONGS TO THE FATHER?
Your body, your choice. There is no equality here. Even though you invited him and his baby maker into your space willingly, knowing that a baby was a possibility, you now cut him out because his “choice” doesn’t matter. This is about control. And this is just one reason you lose my vote. Don’t preach equality when you don’t really mean it. Bad form.
So in answer to the radio host who questioned how it is that not all women “see” the need to stand alongside modern day feminists, I submit that they do not speak for me. They seek something I don’t want because I seek something better. My “choice” is to live as a woman in a world where women both receive and GIVE respect, to men and each other, a world where it’s not all about women getting what they want, when, where and how they want it, even at the expense of men. That’s not progress; it’s simply a swing of power.