Help me, Husband dearest, but NOT like that …



Warning: not for the faint of heart feminist

I came across this tidbit in my Facebook newsfeed recently, and had a good chuckle not just because it’s meant to be funny, but because it signifies something about a lot of modern women and THAT makes me laugh.

I think instead the poem could be entitled “Ode to the Never-Quite-Good-Enough Husband” and include more lines that go something like this:

Fold the towels, but not like that.

Cook once in a while, but not like that.

Discipline the children, but not like that.

Communicate with me, but not like that.

You plan the trip for a change, but not like that.


It doesn’t rhyme, but most of today’s feminists probably won’t catch that; they’re too busy looking for more things to add because they’re loving this poem already and thinking of various places to stick it before he gets home.  And it probably won’t be in a nice homemade casserole either.

Too sarcastic for you?  I think you’re on the wrong blog.  You must have stumbled over here on your way to googling “how to get your man to do exactly what you want” or something like that.  If so, here’s a link you might be interested in:

I’m No Feminist!

And if you still think you have it rough because “he’s like an extra child”, try this one:
Bye for now!

Parenting Done Wrong …


I know parents are supposed to support each other (it takes a village and all that jazz), that parenting isn’t easy, and that no matter how hard you try, some days just don’t go well.  Even your normally quiet and best behaved little ones are going to have tantrums, outbursts. I get it.  I’ve been there.  I never said my kids wouldn’t do it.  But I did say my kids wouldn’t get away with doing it.  Big difference.

But the cases that really make my eyes pop out are the ones in which the PARENTS are to blame and the PARENTS are the ones you’d like to slap upside of the head because they’re not only condoning but encouraging the unacceptable behaviour either by their lack of immediate discipline or their need to make everything exactly the way their little princes and princesses want it to be, even at the expense of others.  Like, we’re all supposed to put up with your little hellion because you choose to do so?  I don’t think so, Tim.

I’m talking about parents who appear to be raising their snowflakes to grow up thinking the rest of the world will bow to them just like their parents do, and I’m especially talking about the parents who are willing to buy their way out of anything.  Can you say “teenage criminal with money bags daddy who pays off a judge to just make it go away”?  OK, call me dramatic, but that kind of crap starts somewhere and a couple of incidents I heard about this week sparked my attention.

My daughter belongs to a running group online and recently there was a big Disney marathon weekend in Florida, so people have been chatting about their experiences and she shared these two with me: (I can’t link you directly to the posts because it’s a closed group)

Please stop kicking me

One runner who was taking in some of the Disneyworld attractions while there for the weekend, was standing in line for a ride and found herself being shoved and actually kicked by some children next to her.  The parents were right there.  She asked the kids to please stop kicking her, and was told by the parents to get over it, “this place is for kids, you know”. Huh?

IN FRONT OF YOUR KIDS you have just now told them IT IS OK TO KICK PEOPLE because they are standing in an amusement park themed just for them and anyone else there needs to put up with whatever they decide to do, even if it hurts.  And yes, the kids went right on shoving and kicking.  Un-freaking-believeable.

I’ve been at the Happiest Place on Earth, I’ve seen a few misbehaving children in line on occasion – most are just cute and excited to be there – but I’ve never been pushed or shoved by any of them and had I been, I’m really not sure what I would have given as a response to these absolutely rude and ineffective parents.  Those lines can get pretty crowded, you aren’t always close to a staff member to ask for help,  and you never know how someone might twist off at you if you dare suggest that their perfect little wonder child is annoying you.

No, you can’t have my medal

Another runner who had just completed a challenge – a 10K run and the marathon – was sitting in a restaurant afterward with some friends and had one of her medals sitting on the table.  A boy about five years old went over, took the medal, put it around his own neck and went back to his own table.  The runner went over to the table and asked for her medal back.  He gave it to her, but a few minutes after she got back to her own table, the boy’s mother came over to say that he really wanted her medal and she would pay $50 for it. (cough – privileged brat – cough).  The runner said no, that it wasn’t for sale, she had earned it and wasn’t giving it up.  The mother then offered $100, to which the runner again said no, and the kid came over and proceeded to throw a temper tantrum.  The runner said she was sorry that the boy couldn’t handle the disappointment of not getting what he wanted.  The mother told the runner it’s just a medal, she had ruined the boy’s day, and that perhaps she would understand if she had kids of her own.

Just take a breath and let that sink in.

The runner EARNED her medal – if you know anything about running marathons you know what that means – and because some kid’s mom can pay his way out of everything  the rest of the world is supposed to bow down, surrender their stuff, take the cash and move on.

These stories wouldn’t be so annoying if they weren’t so damn typical in today’s world of self-entitlement.  Yes, I had kids and no, they were not – nor are they now as adults – perfect.  But here’s how this would have gone down had one of my kids even tried to pull such a ridiculous stunt:

  1. My kids, at five, were not allowed to wander freely around a public place unsupervised.  Problem solved.
  2. IF by chance one got away from my table before I could stop them, I would have followed them immediately and prevented the taking of the medal.  Problem solved.
  3. IF I hadn’t made it to my child before they grabbed the medal, I would have turned them straight around to give it back with an apology FROM MY CHILD to the owner.  Problem solved.
  4. IF for some reason – like the runner’s table was right beside mine and my child was able to take two steps over without me stopping him/her – as soon as they got back to the table with the medal in hand they would have been taken to the owner to surrender the medal and give an apology.  Problem solved.
  5. If my child threw a temper tantrum over not being able to have the medal, I wouldn’t have been whipping out my wallet.  I would have been dragging my child to the car where they would have received what is now probably an illegal smack on the butt and maybe even the deprivation of further entertainment in the theme park designed for children.

I cannot fathom the arrogance and stupidity of the mother who decided that her child’s immediate desire trumped the choice of a woman to keep something significant that was her own to begin with, and that it was OK to sanction the lifting of someone else’s possession with no consequence other than having to bear the disappointment of knowing that even mommy’s money couldn’t make it all better.

As to the first situation with the kicking children, had I been the receiver of the kicks and the parental response, I think I might have spoken directly to the children and told them that “mommy and daddy say that kicking people is OK so if you want to kick someone, turn around and kick them”.  After all, they’re certainly the people who deserve to be kicked.  Hard.

I can honestly say here that I have a hard time imagining even my most active little guy thinking it was OK to kick strangers in a public place, so the behavior of these children must have been learned and tolerated long before the trip to Disneyworld! Had one of mine crossed the line though, they’d have been made to apologize – I would have also apologized for not paying close enough attention to see what happened – and if it didn’t stop, my child would have been removed from the line-up to miss going on that ride and learn a lesson in proper behaviour because the place was NOT DESIGNED JUST FOR THEM and even if it were, there’s still no excuse.

I can tolerate children who are stepping out of line; it happens.  I cannot tolerate parents who stand by and allow it, not because they didn’t see it, not because they don’t have enough hands to deal with it, but because they actually say it’s OK and are willing to reward their children for bad behaviour.  I can’t even …





Transgendered people aren’t the problem, the laws are …

I discovered a blog post describing an event which directly relates to some concerns expressed by myself and others regarding gender neutral washrooms.  The writer is definitely not discriminating, and it’s absolutely worth the read if you care either way about this issue because there’s something to consider from all sides.

A Man in the Women’s Restroom at Disneyland

Was this man doing a “social experiment” as we’ve seen in the past with regard to various topics?  It’s reasonable to predict that men who are inclined to intimidate – fully heterosexual men – could simply enter a women’s washroom because they can, and wait for reactions so they can then show cases of discrimination based on appearances.  There’s already a TV show that has people doing very similar tests in social situations, so don’t shake your head as if I’m being too dramatic!

Was he a predator of some kind?  Was he just confused and behaving strangely?

The main point is that even though he was doing nothing washroom related the whole time he was in there, none of the women felt safe in addressing his presence.  None of them felt they had the right to question it.

I’d like to direct a couple of my own points to the transgendered group – specifically to those who are transitioning from male to female – for their consideration as they decide whether or not the rest of us have any reason to feel uncomfortable with certain things that are happening.  Please forgive me in advance if I don’t use the proper terminology.  I’m not always sure which terms are acceptable, so it isn’t my intention to be offensive.  And please be clear on this: I AM NOT AFRAID OF YOU OR OF HAVING YOU IN A WOMEN’S WASHROOM.  I expect that most of you are, as most other people are, very nice people who wouldn’t want to hurt anyone.

If you’re a man transitioning to a woman:

  1.  While I recognize you’ve likely dealt with your own kind of bullying at various levels – which is always wrong – please remember that you’ve never actually been a woman.  As girls, we’re taught to be careful, to watch out for who is walking behind us when we’re alone on a sidewalk or a street, to be aware of our surroundings in public, especially in public washrooms (to check that no one is hiding if it’s empty when we enter), and to make direct eye contact with strangers who might be intimidating to appear strong and avoid giving an impression of vulnerability.  With current laws and the risk of being accused and charged with some version of discrimination or a hate crime, we’re now being silenced.  If we make eye contact with a male looking person in the washroom, we’re “staring”.  If he/she looks more like a man than a woman and we take a second look, or even ask security for help because we’re uncomfortable with their behaviour – as in the case described in the blog I have linked to – we’re profiling and discriminating based on appearance.  We no longer feel able to reasonably protect ourselves from possible danger because anyone can say that they “feel” like a woman and enter a space where private womanly things are happening.
  2. Have you considered that once you have fully transitioned to a woman, you will also be in the same position we are now in as far as safety?  With your background and life experiences, you might not feel the same discomfort at having men walking freely into a washroom where you are taking care of private business, but you will be every bit as much at risk of danger as the rest of us once you look like a woman.  Perhaps, think of the reasons you’re not comfortable using the men’s washroom!  And because of laws and the risk of being accused and charged with discrimination or some hate crime, the silence we feel forced into will mean that we can’t protect you either, if you are among us and a suspicious man walks in.  You might know many feelings and experiences that we do not know, but you don’t know what it’s like to be a woman and feel threatened by a potentially dangerous man.  Never mind what it’s like for a young girl to feel that way.  I just ask that you consider it, even just for a moment, because this isn’t just about your rights.  It’s about real life danger and how it affects all of us, even you.

When people say there should be no complaints about giving rights to various groups because it has nothing to do with our own rights, that it won’t take them away, please consider that it does change things.  Our freedom to express our valid concerns in situations like the one described in the blog post I’ve mentioned is being squashed because we know that anything we say will be turned into some kind of discrimination or hate speech as determined by the laws that have been put in place to give you certain rights.  I’m not saying you don’t have a right to use the women’s washroom.  I’m saying it’s a lie to tell me that your having that freedom doesn’t in any way change my own.  Because it does.  It has. And that’s what we’re afraid of, not you.




Feminist “Equality” is false


I spent a good part of the afternoon today driving around in and home from the city, and once my favorite radio program had finished, I let the next one play.  I normally don’t bother, because it’s hosted by someone I have little interest in and the topics are usually either ridiculous or offensive to me.

However, I was curious, because she was going to be discussing the inauguration and focussing on the women’s marches taking place in various locations across the U.S. on Saturday, in protest of Donald Trump’s presidency. I was curious to hear what she was going to say and what her callers would offer, both in support of and in disagreement with the current political situation.  I knew I wasn’t going to agree with most of what I heard, so I listened for the purpose of becoming informed and avoided reacting, although this blog post was formulating in my head soon after the program began.

I’m in Canada, so while the effects on my personal life that the administration of this new president might or might not have are unknown, I was drawn into the discussion when the subject of women and feminism became the focus.

I heard many things I didn’t like – as my readers know I take exception to much of modern day feminism – but something amused me: they were puzzled as to how women who don’t support the feminist agenda cannot “see” why they are wrong, how they cannot understand why it’s so important to get on board.  And the whole time I was thinking that women like myself have the same thoughts: we don’t understand how THEY cannot see what’s wrong with their agenda, with their way of fighting for equality, with their attitudes, their words, their actions.

So I decided to do two things:

  1. I want to state clearly my position as a woman to hopefully avoid responses assuming I am a happily oppressed and naive female who needs a band of feminists to rescue me from the claws of a man’s world, and then
  2. I want to pose a very specific question to modern-day feminists and I truly hope they will answer it

You see, I just don’t buy the idea that this is all about equality.  The things I see and hear give me the impression that it’s about control and about swinging the pendulum as far to their side as they feel it has always been swung away from them.  In any fight for rights, this kind of thinking doesn’t fix anything, it simply leads to a different kind of inequality, because the middle ground, where balance lies, is completely passed over.

First, some clarity of my position on women’s issues:

I DO believe in equal pay for equal work for everyone

I DO believe that women have valuable ideas and opinions to share within families, organizations, government, and society

I DO believe women should be treated with dignity, as should all human beings

I DO agree that in years past women were treated as less important or worthy than men and that this needed to change

I DO believe that in many places and circumstances women are still treated as lesser human beings, oppressed and undervalued

I DO NOT condone the abuse, degradation, or sexually disrespectful treatment of women by any man, or by any other woman


I DO NOT believe that men and women are equal in everything.  There are differences between us that are deeper than anatomy and to deny such is simply ignorant.  I believe that each has strengths and weaknesses and that working together they’re able to achieve higher levels of success and fulfillment than each is on their own

I DO NOT believe that in order to further women’s causes it’s necessary to demean and belittle men, regardless of how men have treated women in days gone by

I DO NOT believe that in order to stand with women in the pursuit of equality I must also stand with them on the issue of abortion.

And this brings me to my second purpose for writing: the continuous mention of women’s “reproductive” rights.

Dear women everywhere:

We’re free to have sex and reproduce if we wish. I’m aware that free sex without responsibility is also part of the modern feminist attitude, so go ahead.  And once you have a baby in your womb, you’ve already reproduced.  Your reproductive rights have nothing to do with whether or not you’re allowed to kill an unborn child.  What you’re really talking about is having the right to end a baby’s life, not a “reproductive” right.

And you’re definitely no longer talking about equality, because we’re aware that you believe it’s “your body, your choice” regardless of what the father of the baby might think or want.

So here’s my specific question, posed using two scenarios: (Obviously, I don’t condone abortion and the situations below are presented for the purpose of my question following.)

  1. You have consensual sex with a man, get pregnant, choose to terminate the pregnancy and the father has no right to prevent you from doing so, even if he wishes to take the child when it’s born and care for it without you.  But …
  2. You have consensual sex with a man, get pregnant, choose to keep the baby even if the father wants you to terminate it because he doesn’t want any responsibility for it at all, and you can legally demand that he pay you child support for the coming several years while you raise the baby you chose to have against his wishes.


Your body, your choice.  There is no equality here. Even though you invited him and his baby maker into your space willingly, knowing that a baby was a possibility, you now cut him out because his “choice” doesn’t matter.  This is about control.  And this is just one reason you lose my vote.  Don’t preach equality when you don’t really mean it.  Bad form.

So in answer to the radio host who questioned how it is that not all women “see” the need to stand alongside modern day feminists, I submit that they do not speak for me.  They seek something I don’t want because I seek something better.  My “choice” is to live as a woman in a world where women both receive and GIVE respect, to men and each other, a world where it’s not all about women getting what they want, when, where and how they want it, even at the expense of men.  That’s not progress; it’s simply a swing of power.






Breastfeeding moms can shoot me now


Discretion is possible, people!

Dear Nursing Mothers,

I wholeheartedly support and encourage breastfeeding.  I nursed both my children and valued that experience for their sake and for my own as a mom.  I highly recommend it for anyone who is able to do it successfully.

That said, I strongly disagree with the notion that asking moms to be discreet while nursing in public is some kind of evil.  Daring to suggest that breasts aren’t simply bared in public at will for the purpose of feeding a baby can bring much criticism.

There are satirical videos circulating which aim to show the ridiculousness of placing a light cover over breast and baby because none of us grown ups would want to eat at the table with a towel over our heads.  You’re not comparing apples to apples; this comparison makes you look silly.

First of all, let’s narrow this down:  No one is suggesting a breast cannot be bare in your home, which is likely where you do most of your baby feeding.  Of the times you are in public, only a few will require a breastfeeding session.  And on those few occasions, I completely disagree that being discreet will affect your baby’s overall nursing experience and make them feel as awkward or uncomfortable as I would be sitting at a table trying to lift food from plate to mouth under a tea towel.  A baby can quite comfortably nurse, often with eyes closed, even with a cover (and no, they don’t overheat; seriously, this argument is ridiculous.  Use some light cotton!) And yes, I know that sometimes the baby can pull it down, just as the video shows with sarcasm.  But at least the effort is made, and an unintentional flash of breast is received with much less reaction than a point being made by someone who doesn’t seem to care about discretion.  I have seen mothers nursing who manage to be discreet even without a cover, successfully feeding their babies without baring their breasts.

Secondly, there is the argument that if women are allowed to bare cleavage in other ways every day, breastfeeding moms shouldn’t have to cover up in public.  Just so you know where I stand:  I DON’T NEED TO SEE BREASTS BARED IN PUBLIC, PERIOD.  On one hand, I see your point that if one is acceptable, the other should be as well, the problem is that one is about immodesty and a lack of respect for the people around the cleavage, and the other is about a beautiful and intimate experience between mother and child.  Do you really want to put these two things on the same level?  They are NOT the same thing.

Do you really want your main arguments to be that 1) if adults don’t put towels over their heads to eat babies shouldn’t have to nurse discreetly and 2) if immodest women can walk around baring their breasts in public you should get to do the same?

Thirdly, the videos make the suggestion that covering up teaches older children that it is shameful to show breasts being used for “the other” purpose for which they were made.  Again, silly.  Most of the time you are nursing at home and you are free to show off your other purpose to your other children any time you wish.  Covering up once in a while if nursing in public teaches your children respect and discretion, and that sometimes things done in the privacy of your home between family members are not done – or at least are not done in the same ways – in public places.  Book and movie covers in stores show couples making out, and some people are quite indiscreet with their intimacy in public places, but I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t use this argument to teach your children that it’s acceptable for you to become intimate with your husband in public the way you would at home.  So just because some breasts are freely bared doesn’t mean it’s the best thing to do.

I don’t agree when a restaurant owner asks a mother nursing discreetly – covered – to leave.  But I do find myself losing sympathy in general for the breastfeeding in public argument when it seems that you are pushing all limits in the same way that other groups do today.  Taking it to such a level demeans the whole thing.  I’m not a prude, but I believe that in this matter, and in many other matters that are becoming big issues today, discretion is a good idea.  People who push too far to have things exactly as they wish often lose support along the way.

Seriously, WHAT is the big deal?  Are you fighting this because you CAN?  Do you really think it affects your baby?

I rarely (and I say rarely only because I want to say “never” but there might have been that one time…) found the need to nurse my babies in public.  If I was going to a Church service on Sunday, I nursed before I left home and they were fine for the hour at Church.  If I was going out to a restaurant or to shop, I nursed before I left home.  When I was at someone else’s house and needed to nurse, I used a receiving blanket to cover my breast and my children were not digestively challenged or overheated because of it.  Yes, looking at your sweet baby’s face while nursing is a lovely part of it, and realistically most of the time that is exactly what you do – at home.  While I didn’t personally see the need to breastfeed in public myself, I have nothing against it when done with discretion.  It doesn’t offend me.

I also recognize that some mothers choose to feed on demand and would be appalled at the idea of scheduling a feeding to accommodate a public outing.  I won’t argue that point, but I will suggest it falls into the same category as anything else you choose to do for your children in your own home that might not work well outside your home, such as allowing certain behaviours, foods, or complete silence while they nap, as you cannot expect that others will comply with your chosen system everywhere you go.  That’s how it works when you are a parent.

Lastly, your push for bare breast nursing in public to be widely acceptable does put an added discomfort on those moms who choose to remain discreet and covered, as if they aren’t supporting your cause.  I am aware that even within the vast circle of moms who advocate for breastfeeding in general as the best source of nutrition for their babies, there are differences of opinions on how to do it, when to do it, where to do it, and how long to do it.  And just as it happens in groups supporting any other cause, some very strong advocates can make things uncomfortable for others among them.  As with any aspect of parenting, your choice is your choice.  But your choice shouldn’t be pushed at other people.

No one is trying to stop you from breastfeeding.  No one is condemning you or taking away your rights.  Is this fight about not wanting to cover up once in a while in a public place to use discretion really helping people to understand the value and importance of what you are doing for your baby?  Nope.  It’s about you.  And it’s making people very aware that your biggest concern is being allowed to bare your naked breast in public because others looking for sexual attention do.  Think about it.

Signed: A Middle-Aged Mom with Life (and breastfeeding) Experience

Which Santa comes to your house?


One day in the future, when people (Ok, maybe just my own kids…) look back on things I have written, they will see that I somehow – and unintentionally – ended up with an annual Christmas rant.  It’s not like I plan these things; it’s really just too easy with the material I’m given to work with.

This morning I stumbled upon a post on social media that involved a parent seeking a professional gift wrapper she could pay to wrap the Santa gifts and write out the tags for her kids because they knew what her own wrapping style looked like.  Yes, I read it twice.

Pause… Breathe … Regroup.

(If you really suck at gift wrapping, go ahead and pay others to do it if you must.  Or if you have a need for all your gifts to look like Martha Stewart wrapped them, you are entitled to that.  I’m addressing the idea of having to go this route because of a situation created that could have been avoided altogether.)

Now I’m not going to tell anyone how to do their Santa thing in their own family because that’s everyone’s own business.  (I do have some opinions about how some of what you might choose to do affects other children, but that’s in another post already…)

If you enjoy running around like a headless chicken for the month of December embellishing with ever increasing fervor the commercialized and over active Santa Claus of 2016 – in between trying to find new and exciting ways for your shelf elf to appear on each of twenty-four busy mornings and hoping the comparisons done by children will rate your efforts worthy – then you just go for it and have fun!

However, when people share their complaints about stress during the holiday season, and then talk about things like having to buy special paper just for Santa gifts – or in the above case, actually paying someone else to wrap and write on tags – I have to ask what the heck you are thinking getting yourselves into this mess.

I think that once you have to start farming out your Santa duties because you can’t fake out your own kids anymore, you’ve dug your hole too deep and maybe it’s just time to just fess up already.  You should have just started with unwrapped Santa gifts the first year.  See how easy that would have been?

But now you’re paper committed; it starts with having to buy special paper every year and hiding it strategically, hoping the kids don’t see it, because if they do, you’ll have to take it back to the store and exchange it for new stuff (true story from a retail clerk).  Then they start to recognize your wrapping style.  What a bummer! No chance at all that these uber observant probably borderline genius kids you’re trying to fool just might have heard something in the air about Santa not being real?

(I don’t believe my adult children – after 28 and 30 years – would be able to pick my own wrapping out of a pile unless they knew which paper I used, but perhaps they missed out on that gene.)

It’s too late for many.  But for what it’s worth – from my life experience and subsequent observations – here’s my advice for new parents contemplating the variety of options:

KEEP IT SIMPLE FROM THE START.  Seriously.  Your kids will still have lots of fun and you won’t get migraines.  They don’t need a lot of extra balderdash to make Christmas special. They will come to appreciate what YOU make it, and what society says won’t matter if YOU don’t care.

Tell your kids about the REAL SANTA, not the fake one.  It’s so much easier to deal with over time and it teaches your kids to share and to give.  The real Santa lived hundreds of years ago – St. Nicholas – and he did deliver presents to kids, and everything we do now under the name of fake Santa actually started with him, but it’s gone far beyond a kind and loving gesture.  It’s turned into a commercial cash grab and parents are jumping down the rabbit hole every time something new comes along.  Why embellish?  Why build on lie after lie until you can no longer find enough ways to keep it going any longer?  Why not just tell the truth up front and have fun with it and let everyone enjoy sharing in the spirit of Santa?

Kids like suspense and anticipation. You decide what they’ll be waiting for at Christmas.

Will it be some guy in a red suit who delivers big expensive gifts to some kids and no gifts at all to others?  The guy who actually visits some homes in person but never visits others, or who phones certain children to chat while others never hear from him?  The guy who after many decades now needs to depend on stuffed elves to keep track of kids and entertain them for a month before he comes himself?  The guy who painstakingly wraps gifts for certain kids in special paper they’ve apparently never seen anywhere else while simply tossing the gifts of other kids under the tree as if he had no time left to decorate those?  This 21st century Santa is no longer the wonderful character of old fashioned movies.  He’s probably in therapy trying to keep up with the parents of today.

Will it be the guy you have to explain about every year because the rules keep changing, society is constantly upping the ante, and nobody wants to feel left out of the excitement that is supposed to be about making kids happy rather than competitive and greedy?

Or will you have your kids wait for the special surprises that will be left for them by loving family members who are carrying on the tradition started by a real person of playing Santa to make others feel happy and loved?  No lies to cover up, no extravagant commercial trends to keep up with, just the spirit of Santa Clause that lives on in truth.