Just so damn tired …


This is not about sleep, although as I reflect on what I’m writing it does make me wish I could just sleep through it all and wake up to find it was just a dream.

I’m tired and overwhelmed and I’m beginning to understand why some older people say that the world is moving too fast and they are done, they’ve seen enough, it’s all becoming too much.

But I’m only fifty-one.

I just want to know what the rules are before I leave my house each day and walk out into the public areas where I will encounter other humans.  At home, I don’t have to worry about having the wrong facial expression or saying the wrong thing.  I don’t have to make sure everything is filtered through a politically correct sieve so that I’m not violating any laws.  I can use the bathroom in peace.

Yes, I am going down that road; whether or not you go with me is up to you.  At any moment, you can close the internet window you’re using to read this post but, if you don’t, be ready for what comes next, and please don’t complain because here, in my own space, I get to say how I feel, what I think, how I view the world.  And if you are going to read it, please read ALL of it and not just the parts that reinforce what you think I mean.

I’m tired of watching our society turn into something evil.  Too dramatic for you?  I use real words for real things.  There is loud, in your face, obvious evil.  And there is subtle, flying under the radar, betcha most people don’t quite notice yet evil.  But there’s no difference.

I’m tired of turning on my computer or turning on the TV to see more news about how morality is being stomped on in favour of supposed “tolerance”.  Tolerance in our society right now is a one-way street.  If you deny that, you’re not paying attention, and you probably won’t pay attention until some random line somewhere is crossed – a line that you have drawn for yourself based on nothing more than your own judgment of when and where to limit the evil – and suddenly you can’t believe it.  I’ve heard it happen in conversations and I’ve had no words because to reply would have meant nothing to people who are so deceived as to think that THEIR line is the final straw.

I’m tired of watching governments trample and spit on the personal rights and freedoms of large groups of people because someone else is “uncomfortable”, while I’m not allowed to express my discomfort without being labeled as a bigot, homophobic or charged with some hate crime.

I’m tired of trying to put forth an attitude of sympathy for all and encouraging rules and agreements that respect everyone without forcing one agenda over another.  No one wants to hear that anymore.  If you think I’ve never done it, you’re not paying attention (for example Gender Neutral? Let’s get Comfortable …)  It’s gone too far the other way and no matter how much I give in the discussions about fairness and dignity and personal rights, these groups just keep taking more and forcing their agenda so that many others must suffer the discomfort that they are declaring to be unjust and professing to correct.  This is not tolerance; it’s abusive, the government is participating in it and forcing it on us, and too many people are turning a blind eye because THEIR line has not yet been crossed.

I will reiterate what I have often said:  I believe that all people – regardless of race, religion, sexual identity – should be treated with human dignity.  I do not condone abuse of anyone and I would stand up for any person – gay, straight, bi-sexual, transgendered, black, white, or in any other way considered a mistreated minority – if they were being bullied, abused, taunted, or discriminated against privately or publicly in my presence because of their particular situation, even if it was in a public bathroom.  But people don’t actually hear this because they have names for people like me who choose to separate behaviours and attitudes from the actual person themselves.  They want to keep things lumped together all the time so that if I don’t like something someone does, or if my moral view differs while I try to be kind to a human being, they can call me hateful and tell me I’m afraid (homophobic) and that if I’m going to love a person I also have to love what they do.

THEY make the rules.  Some will say that the reason this happens now is because for so long it’s been the other way around.  But we’re not on a school playground with some tit-for-tat system where the ball was hogged by one group and now they have to give it up to the other group and go play with something else.  Recognizing that we need to be more understanding of things as we become more enlightened than we were before, does not mean that the best and only way to grow and progress is to swing the pendulum all the way over to the other side.  If what is desired is fairness and tolerance for ALL, they are failing miserably and it will only be a matter of time before the group beginning to feel oppression now will revolt later, swing things back, and nothing will have been gained.

I do not believe that any of these people have a right to take away my own comfort or the comfort and privacy rights of children just because they can, and then cry foul if I don’t like it.  But I’m tired.

I’m feeling the apathy creeping up on me day by day and I find myself just being grateful that I have no children left to raise in a messed up world, that mine are grown and removed from so much that is now going to hurt children.  I feel for parents who have to wade through all this, being squashed at every turn and forced into line by peers, by laws.

So I just want to know what the rules are so I can get through the rest of my life without landing in jail because of some word that I shouldn’t have said, or some reaction I shouldn’t have had.

So far, this is what I know: if another person is feeling discomfort, I must allow them to do whatever they wish, wherever they wish.  If I feel discomfort, I must shut up because it doesn’t matter and no one cares.  I think I have that straight now.  Wait, can I say “straight” in this context?  I hope so.


If I don’t post for a while, it might be because I’m just tired.  Or it might be because someone shared this post and I am under investigation for a crime.  I’ve proofread it pretty well just in case, but you never know…










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